Sunday, November 19, 2017

To my mother, who hates Christmas - a "Thank you"

(p.s., the text color on this post is weeeeeiiiird and I don't know why? So... Sorry!)

The very nature of childhood is that one does not have any preconceived notions on what should exist, only the appreciation for each moment as it comes.

Christmas with my family is a magical time for me. The glittering, twinkling of lights in the middle of the night when you sneak out to see if santa has arrived, the sugary splendor from a stocking snagged hours before everyone else has awoken, the drowsy warmth of morning after not being able to sleep the entire night from excitement. Every time I think of it, I can almost hear a twinkling tune of shimmering bells, the kind you hear in all those Christmas movies after a miracle has been delivered.

Oh, the anticipation! Eyes fixated upon the opener of presents, hope and anxious excitement watching the others! Will they enjoy the careful gift planning, and in turn, understand this special moment of our appreciation for them? (Three words: yes, of course!)

And, oh! The handmade ornaments placed on the tree one by one, filled with stories of not only love, but of survival! The absolute smorgasbord of their size and shape: the gifts and memories and symbolism they hold! The simple, tiny tree with button ornaments that stands proudly in a place of honor, preaching in itself a message of determination.

How did they do it? How did they manage to instill such love and gratitude into our hearts each Christmas? The sheer magic of it each year woven by careful hands, the history of our family and all our hopes and dreams, rolled up into a ball of our own brand of perfection. Never mind what my parents thought Christmas ought to be or should have been, each year I relive the absolute happiness of each year previous - finding joy in being a family, my eyes transformed into those of a precious child once more.

It absolutely devastates me to be far from my family during the holiday season. Bitter tears, missing the sweetness of beloved parents and siblings. And missing that sparkle (like literally, thanks string lights!) in each other's eyes. The heartbeat of Christmas proclaiming! We belong together!

We are a unit of people with the exact same type of weirdness as each other. We carved out our own niche of joy in one another through the rough times, celebrated on this day with a certain degree of magic and a special kind of holy, brought together by the love of two parents.

Both of whom very strongly dislike Christmas.

Whoops, I guess I didn't get the memo :)